My good friend Sarah has this term FOMO, or "fear of missing out". We both get strong cases of FOMO, which caused us basically to never sleep in college. This is a lifelong problem for me- my mother tells the story that when I was an infant, she had to feed me in a dark, silent room, because I would not eat unless there was nothing else going on to be looking at. Baby FOMO.
Well, it's not a "fear" of missing out now that we live in Haiti. It's the real thing. I am missing out, and I'm really feeling it this weekend.
Let me tell you what happened within the last 48 hours:
-my matron of honor had her baby
-one of my college roommates got engaged
-my oldest guy friend got married
-one of my bridesmaids got engaged
Annie and Jeffrey's wedding was a few weeks ago, Danielle and Pat get married the weekend before we come home for summer. Savannah and Heather and Elle and Sarah and Whit and Anne and Katie and so many other friends who live outside of Dallas occasionally swing through.... I miss it. I haven't heard some of their voices since last summer.
I didn't meet my dear friend's Laura's future husband until the week after they got engaged. I haven't met Ikeesha and Jeremy's baby, born last fall. I haven't seen some of my best friends' apartments, or even new houses. I've never been to their workplaces to meet for lunch. I don't even know two or three of the couples in our small group now. My twin cousins graduate from college in May, along with my soon-to-be sister-in-law Kelsey.... all missed. My grandmother is selling her house and moving into an apartment... can't say goodbye to the house, can't help her move, can't visit, can't even see it.
My Marine brother deploys to Afghanistan in two days. Can't visit him in California before he goes.
It's the big and the little things. I log onto Facebook, and see the pics from a birthday dinner. A girls' night. I'm not in them. I didn't even know. Nobody's trying to leave me out, but I live in a foreign country! My good friend Anne, who has lived overseas with YWAM for years, told me over Christmas that that is the true cost- the missing out. More than the lack of familiar food, familiar neighborhoods, favorite stores and places and comforts, it's the missing out that hurts.
I'll be fine. Lord knows I have so many things to be grateful for, I should hardly whine.
But this part's no fun.