Monday, March 21, 2011

Missing Out

My good friend Sarah has this term FOMO, or "fear of missing out". We both get strong cases of FOMO, which caused us basically to never sleep in college. This is a lifelong problem for me- my mother tells the story that when I was an infant, she had to feed me in a dark, silent room, because I would not eat unless there was nothing else going on to be looking at. Baby FOMO.

Well, it's not a "fear" of missing out now that we live in Haiti. It's the real thing. I am missing out, and I'm really feeling it this weekend.

Let me tell you what happened within the last 48 hours:
-my matron of honor had her baby
-one of my college roommates got engaged
-my oldest guy friend got married
-one of my bridesmaids got engaged

Annie and Jeffrey's wedding was a few weeks ago, Danielle and Pat get married the weekend before we come home for summer. Savannah and Heather and Elle and Sarah and Whit and Anne and Katie and so many other friends who live outside of Dallas occasionally swing through.... I miss it. I haven't heard some of their voices since last summer.

I didn't meet my dear friend's Laura's future husband until the week after they got engaged. I haven't met Ikeesha and Jeremy's baby, born last fall. I haven't seen some of my best friends' apartments, or even new houses. I've never been to their workplaces to meet for lunch. I don't even know two or three of the couples in our small group now. My twin cousins graduate from college in May, along with my soon-to-be sister-in-law Kelsey.... all missed. My grandmother is selling her house and moving into an apartment... can't say goodbye to the house, can't help her move, can't visit, can't even see it.

My Marine brother deploys to Afghanistan in two days. Can't visit him in California before he goes.

It's the big and the little things. I log onto Facebook, and see the pics from a birthday dinner. A girls' night. I'm not in them. I didn't even know. Nobody's trying to leave me out, but I live in a foreign country! My good friend Anne, who has lived overseas with YWAM for years, told me over Christmas that that is the true cost- the missing out. More than the lack of familiar food, familiar neighborhoods, favorite stores and places and comforts, it's the missing out that hurts.

I'll be fine. Lord knows I have so many things to be grateful for, I should hardly whine.

But this part's no fun.

Katie

5 comments:

  1. Katie and Ben, I was in the Army for 3 years deployed in Germany for most of that. During those 3 years, I only missed one Christmas at home. I remember sitting on my bunk and crying me eyeballs out. God is doing His work through you. As Christ, you are denying yourself to serve others, in a place of the least of these. You are both doing all of this, and He is well pleased. But still, that does not make it easy. All those you mention and many more love you and pray for you all often.

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  2. ohhhh dr. wilhoit. er kilpatrick....dont be sad. You ARE there.

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  3. You're exactly right, Katie - missing out on time with loved ones is one of the biggest sacrifices we make to follow Jesus to the ends of the earth.

    This verse has been a promise we continually remind ourselves that it's worth it the cost:

    "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for My sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life." -- Matt. 19:29

    Praying with you! -- Michelle

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  4. katie! just catching up on your blog, just wanted to encourage yoU! I have no idea the extent of what your life is like missing friends but just wanted to encourage you that what you are doing is LIFE. it's a sacrafice but girl you are making it and like you've said before about the work yall are doing in Haiti - it's changing the FUTURE of Haiti! girl! that is amazing. I know it's hard and sad and I totally understand but what you are doing will produce eternal results :) press on my friend!

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