Monday, June 7, 2010

Conversations I Have Had Lately

We have been home for a week. It, like every thing else we have experienced in the past 5 months, was a whirlwind. Sorry there have not been more frequent posts. We needed time to unscramble our minds and emotions.

I don't know if anything could prepare us for what coming back home would be like. Surprisingly, once the shock of how different, neat, clean, orderly, beautiful, green, affluent, well-manicured, surgically-enhanced and Botoxed Dallas is wore off, the hardest thing has been talking.

I never have enough time to tell someone about how I am doing or to tell them about Haiti. It is a conversation best had over a long meal. Or drinks. Or drinks and a long meal, with coffee afterward.

I also find myself lecturing and monologue-ing. About the time I am 10 minutes into a soliloquy about Haiti, usually around the point I find myself recalling a dead body or a truck bed full of paralyzed quake victims, I become really self-aware. Like, why the hell am I telling this story?

This happened today when I realized Katie and I were telling these stories to 5 youth over pizza. Poor kids. They had know idea that when they asked, "Where were you during it", that they were going to get a full frontal assault of death.

However, that was the reality of Port-au-Prince. Death touched everyone. We saw it.

One thing that humbles me is when total strangers introduce themselves and tell me they are praying for us. I never say what I want to. I always mutter something awkward and shuffle on quickly. But what I want to do is just grab their hand, maybe even hug them, and say how their prayers sustained me while I was in Haiti. I want them to know I felt their prayers on me like a blanket and they are just as responsible for me continuing on in Haiti as anything else.

So to all the people I have mumbled awkward answers to in the last 6 days: I know you are reading. Let me apologize for having the social skills of a slug and tell you thank you so much. And please do not stop.

 Ben

3 comments:

  1. Awww, Ben, this post brought a tear to my eye.

    Just keep telling your story. The reality isn't pretty - and that's just the way it is.

    I hope Katie's ringworm "infection" is clearing up okay. Poor girl - ringworms and bedbugs! Ugh!!!

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  2. Ben/Katie, Its kind of like trying to get people to believe in Christ. It just doesn't work. All you can do is invite them, tell your story (quickly), then get out of the way and let God do His thing.

    Maybe same with you all. Share your story, let them mull it over, and let God do with it what only He can do. Somewhere in the Word it talks about: if only one person comes to believe, the angels are still dancing in heaven. You did your job to get them dancing, let them dance.

    Finally. It was an honor to be a part of your journey in prayer.

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  3. Ben, I love this. Your story time over pizza wasn't awkward. We were the ones asking the questions. You were answering honestly and I really appreciated that.

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