To me it is all about Grip. I have lost mine.
I am not talking about a dead-fish handshake or a grasp of reality, but rather my grip on my life. I never wanted a corporate job. Never planned for it. Never considered it. I hate suits and ties (though I do look great in them) and I find that my focus is often drawn towards people, not profit. I was enticed by what a corporate job offered; money, identity, success. But it was all about me. Like a child trying to clutch sand, the tighter I squeezed the more what I sought seemed to pass though my fingers.
It’s not fair to say that “I lost my grip”, that gives me too much credit. It is more accurate to say that God wrestled my life from my grasp before I made an even bigger mess of it. First there was a lay off. Then there was a business mentor telling me, that there was more to life than what we had been striving for. Followed by a new job which made me question why we get up and worked at all… And after months just emptiness in my hands.
But if I am not holding on to this life with a death grip, then my hands are freed up to receive other blessings. If I am not hammering out the details of my life then I am free to use my hands to address the needs of others. I think the experience of getting ready to leave has taught me that Faith is about not holding on so tight. It is about accepting a certain unknown to what lays ahead. That unknown is counter to our Western notions of security and in insecurity all a faithful person can do is rely on the promises of Christ.
So that is where I am. Blessedly empty handed and ready to go.